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You may have a vision of how you want the overall event to go, but keep some flexibility in your plans. You never know when a great idea will hit you that you can incorporate. Also, it is a big day where there are a lot of players at work. Little things can get forgotten or go wrong. Don't let it bother you. By Sabrina (Sikora) Dommenge
Colors that you like to look at should be part of your physical space, table cloths, napkins, flowers, candles.
They bring family, friends, and favorite or special places together to celebrate their commitment and create a lasting memory. Care is given to the food, music, flowers, passages read to commemorate faith, and the pledge given to each other. Read More
Our name is as much a part of our identity as the way we dress, the jewelry we wear, and our art of expression whether it be tattoos or piercings. By Karen Sturtevant
Written on grade school notebooks, stitched on the back of hockey and soccer jerseys and printed on packed away report cards, our name is uniquely ours.
Do we lose a part of our identity when we marry or has that identity simply changed? How does a newly married lady choose to keep her maiden name or change to a new surname?
In earlier generations when a woman married, taking their husband’s family name was commonplace with no other options even considered. Times have certainly changed and allowed today’s women more choices whether it be a traditional route or a more liberal road.
Lucy Stone was the first recorded American woman to retain her last name after her marriage to Henry Blackwell in May 1855. She was also the first woman from Massachusetts to earn a college degree. Stone, an American abolitionist and strong vocal advocate of women’s rights, made, among other subjects, a national issue of the right of a woman to keep her own surname after marriage. She wrote, “A wife should no more take her husband’s name than he should hers. My name is my identity and must not be lost.” U.S. women following her lead are often referred to as “Lucy Stoners.”
Planning on children? By Mom and Dad having the same last name, this save lots of seemingly endless explanations of why little Jenny has a different last name then her mom, even though, yes, they really are mom and daughter. And yes, Dad has a different last name than Jimmy, but they still are father and son––really.
Maybe you’ve been wanting a new last name since you were able to spell. Maybe you’ve been saddled with a last name so uncommon and difficult to pronounce (or embarrassing) that you’ll be doing the dance of joy to finally having a name you won’t have to spell out and enunciate time and time again. Think how easy reciting your e-mail address, making airline reservations and ordering a pizza will be.
Entering into a promise of marriage connects two souls and sharing a common last name further strengthens that bond in the eyes of the community. And, there’s something very romantic and uniting when husband and wife share a last name.
A friend of mine, recently married, took her husband’s last name. She didn’t give it a second thought until one day when she was sorting her mail (her snail mail) and got to an envelope addressed to Mrs. Craig Drake.* At that moment she felt as if she had lost a piece of her identity “I’m not Mrs. Craig Drake. I’m still Kelly Richards!”* She could have seen this as another facet of herself, as part of a new passage in her life. After the initial shock wore off, she eventually, warmed to the fact that this new name and life as a married woman wasn’t so bad after all.
Professional women may opt to keep their maiden name as that is how they are recognized in the business world. Perhaps papers have been published, lectures given and honors bestowed upon them with that known name. Women who keep their maiden name tend to marry later in life, have higher levels of education and are more likely to work in the fields of medicine, literature, entertainment and academia.
If you’re the last family member to have your maiden name, you may want to keep it and pass along to your children.
More than one choice
If Elizabeth Stuart marries Peter Johnson she has more than one choice.
• The most widely used name-change option in the United States (approximately 90 percent) of married couples use the husband’s family name:
Elizabeth Stuart becomes Elizabeth Johnson.
• No name change. Both keep birth names. Elizabeth Stuart and Peter Johnson.
• “Double-barrelled” name also known as a hyphenated name: Wife uses her last name as middle name along with the husband’s family surname with or without hyphen. Elizabeth Stuart Johnson or Elizabeth Stuart-Johnson
• Both choose an entirely new last name. This one requires a bit more paperwork and a visit to the Court.
If you decide to change your last name, before you do anything...
Just because you’ve filled in the lines of a marriage license and now are married, doesn’t mean that your name magically has been changed to the rest of the world. Anytime after the ceremony, contact the office where your license was filed and request at least five certified copies of your marriage certificate. A certificated copy will have a raised seal.
The first agency that needs to know about your new name is the Social Security Administration. The SSA needs to match your new name with your ID number for payroll tax withholding and retirement benefits. With a new social security card, the rest of name-change process is easier. Visit www.SSA.gov/online/ss-5.pdf and complete Form SS-5. Bring this form, a picture i.d. (passport is best) and a certified copy of your marriage certificate. Be prepared and be patient as the Social Security Office is usually extremely busy. Plan to arrive as early (or even before the doors open) and have all your documents ready. Requesting a new social security card is critical because if a tax return is filed with a married name, before a new social security card has been issued, the return will be rejected by the Internal Revenue Service. Within 10 days of getting your name changed, the SSA will notify the IRS. There is no cost to obtain a new card which should arrive by mail within two to three weeks.
Next stop: the DMV to update your driver’s license. Visit www.dvm.vermont.gov to complete the necessary forms. Bring these, along with your new social security card, and a copy of the certified marriage certificate. While you’re there update your motor vehicle registration not only with your new name but also new address if applicable.
After you’ve received a new social security card and driver’s license notifying the rest of the businesses on your list is fairly easy and straightforward.
If your employer hasn’t yet heard your marriage news, it’s time to share. Be sure the Human Resource Department updates company benefits, health and dental coverage and retirement plans to your married name. This is a good time to review your beneficiaries, revise if needed, and enroll your spouse to your company’s insurance plan if offered.
Once the SSA, DMV and your employer have been notified, make a list of businesses and creditors including:
• Banks or credit unions
• Mortgage company
• Brokerage or Investment Firm
• Credit card companies, department store accounts
• Utilities, Internet provider, phone, electric, gas, heat
• Doctor, Dentist, Chiropractor, Attorney
• Post Office
• Local and state tax boards/Town Clerk’s office
• Voter’s registration/Town Clerk’s office
• Passport (www.travel.state.gov/passport/forms)
• Subscriptions
To keep your good credit rating pay special attention when notifying your creditors. If you continue to pay your bills on time, but don’t change your name with businesses in which you have accounts, your good credit standing can disappear. As your credit card accounts are updated with your married name, major credit bureaus will be advised to update their records.
Each business requires different methods when being informed of a name change: in some instances, a phone call will suffice, others will require a certified marriage certificate or notification in writing, while some will require both a letter and the certified marriage certificate. To save time and streamline the process, call or visit their websites to know exactly which procedure to follow.
Today’s women have more choices than ever before, name-changing options being just one. There is no right answer, no wrong choice. This decision should be made jointly, one in which you both feel comfortable, confident, and proud to be able to introduce yourselves as husband and wife.
* Not real names.
For a list of Vermont Wedding Officiants, see our page here.
Read these Vermont Bride Featured Love Stories online! Love Story: Kellie (Goessinger) & JJ Oliver. Read the Love Story online here. Photo by Stoilov Studios, Vermont. |
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 [Above] Sara (Forest) Sokolowski. Read the wedding Love Story online. Photo by Polis Photography. |
 [Above] Vyna Phuong Le and Phu Van Truong. Read the wedding Love Story online. Photo by RaidenShine Photography. |
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