Opposites Attract

Can a marriage with different views and opinions be successful? By Karen Sturtevant

He likes country music; she likes alternative rock. He’s a gamer; she’s a reader. She loves dogs; he hates anything that sheds.

Should people contemplating wedlock who share few common interests take the plunge? Are they destined to fight, bicker, and disagree which radio station they should listen to, who should take out the trash and when the house should be cleaned? Can a marriage with different views and opinions be successful?

Democratic strategist James Carville and Republican consultant Mary Matlin may disagree politically, but they have found common ground in marriage. The eccentric lead singer of The Cars, Ric Ocasek, and supermodel, Paulina Porizkova, are another example of opposites not only attracting, but flourishing with years of marriage and family.

Prince Charming lives only in storybooks.

Mr. Perfect is alive and well in our fantasy worlds and imaginative minds alone. If you are fortunate enough to have fallen deeply, passionately in love, honor that commitment and realize that differences can bring a couple together and strengthen the bond between them. Would you honestly want to live with and marry yourself? As a friend of mine said “The grass isn’t always greener on the other side, sometimes it’s artificial turf.”

Let’s set the scene: take two people; place them under one roof with common goals: be happy, get along, compromise, negotiate, respect one another, grow together and don’t lose your identity in the process. Mature yourself, expand your thoughts, encounter new experiences, meet new people, learn new skills, and by the way, remember your partner. Impossible task? Can’t be done? “Happily married” is not an oxymoron; sustaining a satisfying, healthy relationship is attainable - even with an odd pairing.

Marriage is not meant to be easy; it is the ultimate pledge of commitment and a work in progress.

Couples that have sustained the challenges and triumphs of a marriage will advise focal issues such as children, careers, finances, and religion need to be agreed upon (or at the very least heavily discussed) before the walk down the aisle. Real world issues rear their ugly heads after the gift cards have been redeemed. How you and your new partner work through these issues will determine how more critical situations will be handled. You both will quickly learn to choose your battles and harping on how the shower door was left open again will take a back seat to more urgent, important concerns. Life throws all sorts of curve balls and it is at these times of crisis we realize how fortunate we are to have partner to lean on.

The day-to-day grind wears all of us down, but being married has advantages other than a shiny ring on the left hand and tax deductions. Relationship experts report that married couples enjoy benefits their single friends don’t including: living a longer, healthier life, increased financial security, greater job success, and an increased sense of emotional well-being.

Your partner should be your best friend and your safe haven.

Learn communication and negotiation skills that can be used tactfully, not in a harmful, pessimistic way. You won’t always agree upon which parents’ house to visit for Thanksgiving or whether to spend or save that holiday bonus. Marriage councilors report as much as half of marital breakdowns are caused by deficient communication. Effective communicating happens when your true thoughts are known and are able to be expressed honestly, without provocation to degrade.

To enter the union of marriage without bringing a healthy dose of self-respect is a recipe for disaster. A person with a strong sense of self won’t allow abuse, harmful behaviors, or damaging decisions. Two people with solid self-esteem will work in concert to become better people, both in and out of the relationship. If self-respect is lacking, the relationship can quickly become a life of repression and regret.

A successful blending will allow each person to feel cherished and valued. We are all imperfect with our baggage and unrealistic expectations. The union of two people is the merger of two imperfect beings aiming to better themselves with the help of a willing partner.

Marriage is not meant to be easy; it is the ultimate pledge of commitment and a work in progress. A marriage of success can be defined as a union of continual learning, happiness, safety, and respect. Honor your promises everyday; learn the advantages of give and take and the art of nurturing. Make a date to attend the car show in the afternoon and see the latest chick flick in the evening. Opposites really do attract. By recognizing and respecting each others’ differences, your marriage will thrive because of the unyielding level of commitment you’ve vowed to one another.

Read another article by Karen Sturtevant Spotlight on Wedding Flowers

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