Wedding Planning Teamwork = Success!
By Lauri Boyden
It is heard way too often from the newly engaged groom to be – “She’s in charge of the wedding. Tell me what to wear, where to be and I’ll be there.”
You may be one of the lucky women whose groom to be is there one hundred percent but for most of us women, the above attitude is what we get. This is not a problem when we are organized and have a plan for this exciting upcoming event but not how it was in the beginning.
In taking a look back in history, there was an air of strength and danger when a woman was sought after by a local man. Thinking he wasn’t going to be accepted by her family, he gathered his most loyal friends and they invaded the family territory to capture the bride. His friends then stayed behind to fend off the bride’s outraged relatives. The groom would select one man, perhaps his brother or closest friend to come along on such an important mission. Now known as the best man and ushers, these men were a trusted part of the capture and protection for the couple. The best man’s duties as guard continued as he was needed to protect the groom from possible attack of the bride’s family in an attempt to recapture her or put a stop to the marriage.
During the ceremony, the groom placed his bride to his left to protect her; keeping his right hand free for defense. The honeymoon was seen as a cooling off time for the bride’s family or community.
The bride and groom would stay in hiding long enough for the family to come to terms with the marriage. It was the groom’s hope that upon their return, all would have been forgiven.
With marriage based on acts of capture, deception and hiding the wedding attire was later designed to play a part in this scheme. The groom and his men dressed in similar suits to ward off and confuse anyone who hoped to foil the capture. In later years, the bride and her women dressed in similar dresses so that the bride would not be easily noticed.
This kidnapping of sorts literally swept a woman right off her feet which then gave meaning to the groom carrying his bride over the threshold of their new home together. It was thought to be bad luck if the bride was to trip while entering the new couple’s home.
Whether today’s groom is capturing his bride or being captured, it is certainly best for him to be a part of the entire planning process.
It used to be his plan, but somewhere along the way he stopped planning and the women took control. Admit it, we don’t really want full control and to be captured does seem quite romantic ! Ladies, allow yourself (in a sense) to be captured. Encourage your groom to be to choose his best man and groomsmen. Whether it is his brother or group of best friends, have him ask them to be a part of your special celebration and begin to set the plans with his future groomsmen. Today, some weddings include just the best man or may include any number of groomsmen and ushers. Tuxedos have become customary, but consider the whole feel of your day. Perhaps the men would be more comfortable in chic, button down shirts. Don’t stray from your usual style and attempt to dress everyone as someone they are not. At this time, we hope that we do not have to dress the groomsmen and bridal party all alike in order to ward off the relatives or other suitors.
Women, don’t be afraid to loose a bit of control and allow the men to make some choices.
This is a wonderful time for you and your future groom to practice your communication skills, ability to compromise and make decisions together. You are planning a wedding celebration but keep the larger life picture in mind while doing so. Planning this wedding together is similar to a dress rehearsal for your upcoming life together.
Grooms to be, you must step up to the altar knowing that you have been there for your bride through all of the planning and organizing.
Don’t have a complacent attitude and feel that just because you showed up, you did your part. Play your part as the romantic, adventurous suitor with his best men arriving to protect and impress this lovely woman for the rest of your days together. Planning your wedding together will allow this day to mirror the two of you; your likes, customs, traditions and joining of families. Use this planning time as a way to create new traditions and customs that can be handed down to your children and their children. Kindle the air of surprise, capture and victory with your bride to be. Sweep her off of her feet with your planning help and creative ideas!
