How Not to Offend Friends & Relatives

When They Aren’t Invited to Your Wedding

Sometimes bigger is not always better and a couple may opt for a small ceremony, or what I like to refer to as a “microwedding” when they decide to get married. This is what my husband and I did. When we were deciding on what kind of wedding we wanted, the thought of a wedding with fifty or more people seemed daunting. Neither one of us likes crowds of people. As we would be paying for the wedding ourselves we weighed what it was we really wanted. My husband doesn’t dance and I didn’t want to participate in traditional wedding events like tossing the bouquet. Also, we weren’t the typical couple getting married for the first time. By the time the ceremony would occur, we would be in our mid-thirties.

We had been together for over six years and had our own home together for a few years as well. Our families had known each other for over twenty years, so we didn’t feel we needed a big ceremony for everyone to get acquainted. We finally decided on a small ceremony with immediate family only, which amounted to thirteen guests, and then a dinner afterwards. When we finally made that decision, we were concerned with how family and friends not included in the big day would feel.

We wanted to help them understand our decision and let them know that we wanted something intimate and it had nothing to do with wanting to leave them out.

Once we decided on a wedding date, we sent engagement announcements to those invited to the wedding and to friends and family we thought would have expected to be invited. We told everyone that an intimate ceremony was planned on our wedding date and that although we would not be having a traditional wedding event we wanted to share the good news. Our hope was to give friends and family, in a courteous way, plenty of time to adjust to the plans of a tiny ceremony instead of a large event. We had over a year to let people know at other family gatherings that we simply wanted an intimate wedding and were not leaving anyone out because we did not want them there, but because we wanted something untraditional with immediate family only.

I had decided on having a matron of honor and told her not to have a bridal shower for me because of the possibility that some potential guests would not be invited to the wedding.
Nevertheless, my future mother-in-law and sister-in-law decided to throw me a shower to welcome me to the family. Many people who weren’t coming to the wedding came to the shower, happy that my future husband and I were doing what we wanted. The shower was a great opportunity for all of us to celebrate the marriage. Etiquette advisors say that it is common for those attending the bridal shower to be invited to the wedding. In my case, everyone was just happy to be at the shower and celebrating the formal merging of two families that had been merged emotionally for years.

As long as you have supportive friends and family, they will accept whatever makes you happy, especially when you make it clear to them that your wedding is not about leaving anyone out but keeping something intimate for yourselves.
When you help your loved ones understand that you are doing what makes you happy then everyone will be happy for you in return.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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