Vermont
Bride Magazine Summer 2010 issue
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LOVE STORIES:
CONTENTS FROM THE SUMMER 2010 ISSUE
Many more articles from the Summer 2010 issue to be added: Please check back!
Cover photo by Ayer Photography
The cover bride for Summer 2010 issue is Elizabeth (Tobin) Eddy
The SUMMER 2010 ISSUE - - OUR LARGEST ISSUE YET! Weighing in with 96 pages of information, resources, beautiful photography and extensive vendor lists, Vermont Bride Magazine is the guide to bridal events for this 2010 Wedding Season. Look for a copy available throughout the state of Vermont.
Veteran wedding coaches saw two kinds of engaged couples. One kind had stars in their eyes. The other kind did not. Couples with stars in their eyes got either quiet or defensive when the coach asked how they handled conflict. “We don’t fight.”
Couples without stars in their eyes got curious when the coach asked about their conflict management style. “Sometimes we don’t hear each other very well.”
At that point in the premarital preparation, the coach tells a story from Anthony DeMello, a Roman Catholic monk from India who wrote volumes about contemplation that leads to loving well.
A man whose marriage hit a rough pat ch went to a sage in his hermitage.
“For one month, just listen to what your spouse is saying,” said the sage.
The man did that for a month and then went back to the sage, reporting that they were still having a hard time.
“Okay, now go back and listen for a month to what your spouse is not saying…”
DeMello suggests that preparing for the crucible of loving well that marriage implies requires a period of “listening to learn and learning to listen.” In his experience, most people didn’t listen well. They weren’t taught. It was one of the causes of the contemporary epidemic of divorce. People get easily distracted. They weren’t committed enough to being curious enough about where their partner’s opinion originated. And it seemed to be cross-cultural. In other words, not many communities or families seriously taught listening skills to their children.
“Do I hear you saying that you experience couples listening poorly to each other?” the aspiring groom asked, as he winked at his fiancé.
“Not only that,” said the coach, “they don’t hear what’s not being said either.”
“Help us understand that,” said his fiance.
The coach smiled. “I don’t have to help you guys. You’ve just demonstrated that you’ve got it! But be alert. Be curious with each other in the same way, even when hearing each other hurts. That’s when real love kicks in…
“Sounds like hard work.”
“It’s the hardest work you’ll ever do – harder than any physical labor because it takes real emotional resilience, and we’re not used to that, especially men, but a lot of women too.”
“But love means giving up is not an option.”
“Yeah, unlike the popular notion from the old film ‘Love Story’ that ‘love means never having to say you’re sorry.’ Love always says ‘sorry, I must not understand.’”
“The good thing is, when we get to the other side of one of these ‘discussions’ we see stars in each other’s eyes.
Making up means making love!”
“That’s love. That’s what makes it last. It’s not that we’ll never disagree. It’s when we disagree, we do it with respect, understanding, and patience.”
Rev. Dr. Michael Caldwell (whose parishioners call “Rev Michael”) runs the Partnership Center of Vermont (www.coachingcenterofvt.com) from his home in North Wolcott, VT. Along with his ministry in New England’s Congregational tradition, he coaches couples preparing for marriage, and officiates ceremonies all over Vermont, indoors or outside.
Read "Money, Sex and Power" by Michael Caldwell, online, from the Spring 2010 issue of Vermont Bride
Contact Michael for a free consultation at 802-888-5811
michael.caldwell.75 - AT - alum.dartmouth.org
Website: www.coachingcenterofvt.com
